Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks and true love
January 20, 2009
Meg Ryan. Tom Hanks. Sigh. Together again for a more modern romance. You’ve Got Mail, a romantic comedy that made even my boyfriend giggle. When reading the requirements for Assignment 2, I didn’t get past Option 1. “Rent You’ve Got Mail.” Well twist my arm.
You’ve Got Mail, for you poor souls who haven’t seen it, is a movie about two people who met in a chat room and started emailing one another. They both have agreed not to discuss personal or specific details with one another and have founded their relationship on emails about nothing. Meg Ryan plays Kathleen Kelly a woman who owns a children’s book store that becomes threatened when a mega-bookstore opens up around the corner. And who runs this mega-bookstore you ask? Why, Tom Hanks of course, who plays Joe Fox. F-O-X. Although they love talking to each other online, they do not get along in person. Of course, it being a romantic comedy, not getting along means they have somewhat flirty banter in a witty sort of way that would never happen in real life if you continually ran into the man who was putting you out of business. Joe Fox finds out Kathleen is this mysterious email woman, and continues their relationship both face to face and online. Eventually, they meet, they kiss and it’s great. Life is wonderful. Sigh.
The internet versions of Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly are the best versions of themselves. Philosophical and thoughtful, they take time to notice the changing leaves, discuss the beauty of Starbucks and dreamily write of their lives. The real life versions of Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly can be philosophical and thoughtful, of course, but they also must deal with the mundane bits of living that don’t necessarily permeate into cyberspace. Their non-internet selves do not get along. But this is due to the trivial fact that Joe Fox is putting Kathleen Kelly out of business. In fact, they initially met at Kathleen’s bookstore, neither knowing who the other was, and got along splendidly. But business got in the way and the two became rivals, while maintaining a close relationship online. After a while, Kathleen falls in love with internet-Joe while simultaneously developing a friendship with real live Joe and when the two meet, she is so happy that internet lover and friend are the same. Is this likely? Nope. It’s like a really extended E-Harmony commercial. I’m not saying you can’t meet someone online, meet them in person, and live happily ever after. But I am saying that it would be awful hard to meet someone online, meet them in person without your knowledge they are one in the same, be put out of business by them and then go on to live happily ever after (with a millionaire no less).
In Technopoly by Neil Postman, Postman writes,
“And so two opposing world-views – the technological and the traditional – coexisted in uneasy tension. The technological was the stronger, of course, but the traditional was there-still functional, still exerting influence, still too much alive to ignore.”
The idea of two world views colliding centers in the plotline of You’ve Got Mail. Traditional courtship, going to the girl’s house with flowers and talking to her face to face, is being challenged by technological advancement. Instead of the traditional way of dating, the two meet on the internet and without personal details, become quite close. Is internet dating going to take over? Is this how it’s going to be? I don’t think so. Because despite the ease of internet dating, despite being able to checklist off the qualities you want in your partner, we still interact face to face. You still have to meet sometime. Until we no longer need the presence of other human beings, just their words sent by computer, will traditional relationships disappear entirely. The internet may change the way we meet people but until it figures out a way for us to live with each other and not fight about dirty socks on the floor, will it change the core of our relationships.
January 20, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Hi.
I also watched You’ve Got Mail and had a very similar take on the movie’s relationship to this class. At the end of your blog, you commented on the eventual in-person contact that will inevitably strip the internet based relationship of its cyber qualities. Until a couple ends up marrying online (stranger things have happened), you are right- the computer will at some point move out of the way and create the normal everyday relationship, as it has been more-or-less for thousands of years. I guess outside of the physical structure of the marriage, do you think that people can become behaviorally different from so much online interaction?
Beyond simple habits, can people really change?
Another idea that popped into my head from reading your blog is whether society may shift to prefer online based relationships concerning life’s more fundamental relationships. When I mentioned online marriages before, I was joking but now that I am giving it more thought, I wouldn’t be all that surprised. With the way that people are buying bigger houses and the growing idea of the American’s personal space, I wonder if we will see the emergence of internet-based long distance relationships, including marriages. Arguments about socks on the floor sure would be stripped of their validity if the individuals did not live together.
I guess I am just rambling at this point. But 100 years ago I know that no one expected our lives to be anywhere near how they are today. Who knows what the future will hold.
January 23, 2009 at 2:46 am
Thanks for your great comment!
So, you bring up a point of contention for me. I would much rather meet someone online, send a couple emails, and then plan a very safe date (where others know where I am, etc.) However, online dating seems to me to be this long, drug out process where its very easy to bring in the emotions pre-maturely. In the case of the guy who lied about his age, there wasn’t a huge loss for me emotionally because we only chatted online for about a week. Previously, I’ve engaged in months and months of emails then chatting then phone calls before the way-too-much-hyped date comes along. At which point I realize in 10 minutes this guy is NOT someone I want to date. Friends maybe. So, I agree– I online “dating” should be a method of connection, not the actual DATING. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case, and when its bad news in my book.
Great use of Postman too.
January 23, 2009 at 2:48 am
Okay, so I just reread what I wrote, and add to the first line– “I’d much rather meet someone in REAL LIFE first” versus online. Of course!