The sweet disposition of online communities
February 17, 2009
A few weeks ago, I came down with a cold/what-felt-like-a-mono-relapse. The only thing that seemed to my body regain its former energy level was hours and hours of sleep coupled with Will & Grace re-runs. Laughter, as I’m sure you’ve all heard, is the best medicine. I decided when my nose started running and my throat started scratching, to include hot toddies in my flawless plan for recovery. Unfortunately, I did not know how to make a hot toddy and because this is 2009 and not 1992 I googled a recipe.
What interest me about this site are simply the recipes, but the conversations that come along with them. The hot toddy recipe, for example, has a 3 year long conversation attached to it. The posts are mostly feedback for the original recipe, new hot toddy recipes or response to the ongoing debate about what liquor should be used. A 3 year long conversation with people from all over the world, at different times, massed together for my reading pleasure. And this, this ability to have a 3 year long conversation is what makes discussion groups so fascinating to me. I am not much of a drinker, however, this web site contained a lifestyle forum as well.
At first, I hesitated to join. I, usually full of self confidence, had never joined a forum like this and felt that I had nothing to contribute and worried about what other people would think about me. I had to step back and look at my reactions. What other people would think about me? They couldn’t even see me. They would only know about me what I let them know about me. What was I so timid about? I wasn’t sure, I joined still timid.
I found that the best way to assimilate to the group was to respond to questions people posted before posting something myself. I was amazed at the range of conversations and information that was posted. Travel questions (oo oooo I’ve lived in Colorado, I can answer that question), comments about TV shows (I tend to only watch “reality” shows on Bravo or E, so I could not participate as much) and comments on books (I could definitely participate here). I found that I did try to morph my writing style to fit the template provided. The posts were short, funny but had a touch of philosophy to them. These were well thought out posts, not just slapped together mumbo jumbo contaminating facebook pages.
Had I found an “online community” like Wood & Smith said exist? What I found interesting was the way in which people behaved online. They were kindly, smart, sincere. What? Why doesn’t this exist in real life? It was as if all the members of this discussion group had read and adhered to Wood & Smith’s guidelines of how to act online, only, instead of acting as they would in real life, everyone was nicer. This, I decided, was due to the fact that when you’re a member of an online community, you get to choose when to participate. Unlike your neighbors, members of your online only “see” you when you want them too. If you’re tired, you don’t have to post. Because of this, this ability to choose when to participate, I found the “online community” a bit sweeter than my physical community.
February 18, 2009 at 10:17 pm
So you found that people were nicer online then at the forum. Interesting! It is a lot easier to step back from a conversation that makes you angry when the conversation is online. Counting to ten does help control tempers, but face-to-face conversations are often too fast to do that. If you don’t respond, the other person may continue to say things that make you angry, or assume that you’re agreeing with them…
February 19, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I have also seen examples of people using sincere language and tone in forums. On the other hand, I have read posts so ignorant and malicious that my head has spun. I think that the type of forum probably has a lot to do with what people say/ how people interact. An American novel post WWII discussion group probably has more insightful and kind responses than the forums below videos on youtube (which are so so often absurd and nauseating).
It is great to hear that you had such a lovely time though. My forum was very pleasant as well.
February 20, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I am amazed (and LOVE) that you found such a wealth of conversation simply from trying to find a recipe for hot toddy! And how fascinating that people were still involved in a three year long conversation!
When I was in my online community, I found myself hesitant to comment on a post that was old, thinking it must not be relevant anymore.
One thought I have on why it seems that people are nicer online: Perhaps it is due to the fact that it is very easy to misunderstand the tone of a typed message, and so in our effort to appear in the positive and not offend our ‘receiver’, we go extra lengths to convey the sincerity and warm-intent. Thus we come off very understanding and welcoming….
Which would be lovely if we applied the same tactics, same perspective all around.